Not too long ago, I decided to like Gearbox software and Borderlands page's on facebook. I wanted to keep up with the latest news and threads from them. Be the first to know. I'm a big Borderlands fan, and always will. But when I saw that my story could be told to the people at the event PAX Australia, about how Borderlands has influence/changed your life, I couldn't resist. I felt like it was something that I could get off my chest. Something that was holding me down. No one would know me, they would have never heard my name before. But when something so much as a game can explain you life, I couldn't miss this chance. I've missed so many before, I wasn't going to let this one slide. I hope you enjoy. This means, a lot to me.
Borderlands
isn't just a game, it isn't square, x, triangle and circle. It isn't
just something you play. To truly understand the game you have to
know it, feel it, learn from it, believe in it.
My
name is Olivia Davy. I'm from England and I'm 19 years old. I am
hoping that somewhere in my life that I would live the dreams that I
have always dreamt of. But I almost threw it all away. As a 19 year
old female life is hard. There are many pressures around you.
Peer-pressure, social-pressure, how big you are, how beautiful you
look. It's everywhere and we can not escape it. But as of Christmas
2011, these pressures became too much. An unfortunate incident
occurred to me, one that I can not fully repeat as it still haunts me
to this day. It chills my blood, and goosebumps rise on my back like
a scared cat. My life was sucked away, my soul was taken and my mind
was shattered. This incident, this event caused a gasping vault of
darkness that took over my life. It was like I was eaten by a
Leviathan. It was a catalyst to many more empty vaults to open, that
darkness shadowing me. It wasn't easy to find the sanctuary that I
needed. It took everything I had, and more. What could I do? I
couldn't give much more, I had used up all my resources, my pick ups
were to advance for me to use. They were useless to me.
People
around me were hurting. My cousin was attacked and injured. My father
had becoming seriously ill with M.E. There never seemed to be enough
feel good needles in those vending machines on this damn planet that
could ease the pain. My step mum was in and out of hospital and no
shield could protect her. This stress. This darkness. I fell into a
deep dark void of severe depression, anxiety and insomnia. I lost my
mind, lost who I was, that happiness. I was like a psycho in my own
mind. I was put on anti-depressants and still am. I was seeing a
psychiatrist to treat the monster inside my head it was crazed midget
psycho running around in my head 24/7. It was a huge step to start
these sessions, something me and my family had to walk through
together. But despite all of that, the struggles to gain entry to the
sanctuary that I needed at the end, seemed to be getting harder,
longer and smaller. I felt like a suicide psycho. Just at any point I
thought fine! Shoot me in the face. No where else, just in the face.
Or jump off that cliff or building. Jump in front of the car. It felt
like no one cared. Everyone ignored me, I was wandering this deadly
plain, and that at any point something would set off the psycho in my
head. I felt like the conductor of the poop train. A smelly,
disgusting poop train. That if I saw something beautiful, I knew it
would only disappear. That it would judge me, think I’m crazy and
not see who I am inside. I fell into many of those suicide ruts, the
self harm ditches, and the depressive psycho states. I ended up in
hospital, just where I wanted to die. I gave my all to everyone,
tried to put a smile on people's face, but no matter how much they
knew I liked them as friends, they would always ditch me. I've still
got the
spare
pizza lying around.
I
was so alone. I was heading off to Uni in 2012 to start anew. To get
to know people like me. Maybe I could even have friends. But no, if
they knew what happens behind closed doors, they rather not look at
me. It's like I would barf on their face if I went near them. Like
I’m a horrible Bonerfart. I just wanted to end it all. That bullet
to the face seemed so damn good then.
But,
how could I throw it all away when there is still so much more to
explore. I haven't even traversed half of the earth. I still need to
open my map and see what's still in the fog, explore everything! Show
people who I really am. Find the light that I’ve been looking for.
Defeat those who pose me. Take them down one by one, like looking
through a scope, scouting which one first. As I became the person who
I was, I found my family again. Something warm grew inside me. My
blood started to thaw, my emotions starting to feel happy. I felt
like that crazed midget psycho that had been running around in my
head finally had the chance to blow himself up. It hurt a little, but
nothing that I couldn't handle. I had to make sure my shields had
regenerated and I was fully supplied. I knew I couldn't do it alone,
but never had the chance to ask for help. No one wanted to be near
me. But I found the road to my sanctuary. Every now and then it
disappeared, like it had been phased out and teleported back at a
different location. But I knew I’d get there. It was in my sights.
Along the road, I met others. People like me. No, no. Not the crazed
psychos. People who like the things I do, like shoot bad guys, get
feel good needles, and try not to die out there.
With
this there were 4 of us in the end. We were a team. We all helped, we
all gathered, we all defended what we truly loved. I will never let
these people go. I will no matter what always, help them wherever I
can. They help me see the light in my own mind, and helped become who
I was, releasing me from that dark empty vault I was so lost in.
There
was a way for us to go and we went forward. Together. We found our
Sanctuary.
So
how has Borderlands changed my life? Well everything I have written
is true. 100%. But why not tell it in a way that Borderlands and my
life intersect. I felt like Claptrap at the beginning of Borderlands
2. Just ditched, alone out in the cold by myself, with no friends. No
way to get home unless I get help from some Vault Hunters, to take
down Captain Flynt and to take back my ship. I need to let others
trust me before they let me into Sanctuary. I need to let them allow
me into their shield. Where I could show them, that I would defend
them to the death. Show them that they can trust me. I felt like the
normal man inside Kreigs head, but could only shout nipple salad to
everyone I see. That's when they'd start running. They would laugh at
me, like they were laugh at a shotgun midget falling over. I wanted
to die like Face McShooty, screaming “SHOOT ME IN THE FACE, JUST
THE FACE”, nice quick easy way to go.
Despite
all of that. Just wandering around the lands of Pandora, showed me
something. No matter how many bad things there are. There are friends
by your side. Like Mordecai and Bloodwing (R.I.P Bloodwing). Like
Roland and Lilith and Brick as himself! Friendship is hard to come
by. But true friends are always there. They will always stick by your
side no matter what you say to them. It's what lies deep down. The
haven that is Sanctuary is what you make it. It might not be much but
it is a lot.
So thank you to
my friends and family. My own person vault hunter friends. The rest
of Pandora needs to be explored and I wouldn't want to do it without
them. This is a quest with endless loot and fun. This is the dream I
want, this is the dream I'll live, this who I am. This is how I tell
my story, through the power of Borderlands, something close to the
heart, and something so magical.
So here I am.
Olivia Davy, 19 years old, Game Art Student. Living in the dream I
never thought possible before Borderlands, and hoping in the near
future that those people at Gearbox, who created this magically piece
of Art, that maybe I'll be apart of. Thank you. Thank you.
Hey, maybe I'll
make another dream come true and get a dog. Yeah. I'll call him
Dukino.
